They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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