my sisters under your porch take her home
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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