Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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