maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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