I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
