So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
