there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
