This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He has the fingertips of a God
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