Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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