Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
so let's talk penis.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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