update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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