im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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