Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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