they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so let's talk penis.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
