Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
