Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
