She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
