Are we in a gay sports bar?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
