idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
