is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
