Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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