A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
