You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
