ya dads aren't the best wingmen
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
3 2 1 whiskey
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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