So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
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I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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