I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
