But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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