What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My vagina just clenched in fear
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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