sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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