did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize