You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
being pregnant is like rehab
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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