I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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