you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
