fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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