Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I wish there were birth control emojis
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
