I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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