Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
