I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The feeling are messing with the penis
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
