trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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