I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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