This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
