It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
