I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
