One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
