I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
