So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
