Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
