And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
