he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You know, be my cock's hype man.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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