i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
