i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
