so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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