.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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