its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
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sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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