What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
