I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
