you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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